I can actually hear myself losing my hearing!!

I know it sounds crazy and youre thinking I should be checked in to the Psych ward at OHSU! But seriously the more I hear the ringing and scraping sounds, the more I know and feel that my hearing is going away . I think it is my ears way of saying goodbye, im dying! It is really annoying and scary at the same time! I am getting more and more excited about the implant more than ever! It feels like this is the avenue that I am supposed to take. James and I had an argument over the fact that I am not deaf, last night! He said that I am hearing ! WTF ! but now I know what he meant by that ! I am hearing! I think like a hearing person, If you have not had the experience with a deaf person then you will not understand! I am deaf but I was raised and taught in the hearing world. I didnt learn about deaf culture and it experinces until i was 14. everyone that I have talked with that is deaf told me i shuoldnt get the CI, all the people that are hearing say I should get the CI. it is weird but, I understand where both are coming from! I want my hearing back ! but when the CI is not on my head, I am the world of silence. which i consider being deaf. I am deaf ! I dont care what others think of me I am deaf, not hearing! Will I ever be a part of deaf culture? NO! will i be a part of the hearing world? NO! I am finding myself stuck in between! and as my appointment is coming around the corner the more nervous i am ! but i am excited to get in shape with my hearing!

Remembering Jason Stanton!!

My oldest Best Friend in the whole wide world passed away today !

Jason's heart was ever so kind and loving. He was my best friend growing up and still is my best friend forever. I saw him two years ago, we had a great time after we were done , I gave him a hug with both of us knowing that it was the last time we were to see each other. He was always worried about everyone else but himself. ( i guess that rubbed off on to me ) I am really glad that he is not in any more pain! He was an inspiration to me, He taught me things I still use, I am a better person because of him.

I love you Jason.

Jason and I were born 9 months apart he was older than me. but we were in the same classes together in school, we did everything together.

Jason had Spina Bifida, but he never let it stop him from being like the other kids at school or the neighborhood ! he wore braces and used crutches almost half his life, he loved being able to stand tall and proud. as he got older he resorted to using a wheelchair on and off, he didnt like the constant pain under the arm and have to swing his heavy crutches back and forth. there is one memory that I keep remembering about when we were kids. My mom had gone away to Jackson Hole, WY, for the weekend ( five day weekend i think ) well I was bored and sick of being alone so I called jason up to see if he wanted to hang out. He said sure but youre going have to come up here cuz I'm not riding down there and have to go up the hill to come back home! I said ok I'll be up there in a few. I got in my moms floral van (mind you, I am 12) and drove the van to his house. We hung out at the house for a bit then got hungry. went to kitchen and found nothing that we were in the mood to eat, so we got the idea to go to chicken time! We got the chicken and went back to my house and hung out!


We used to everything together and I will miss him. I am sorry that he is gone but im glad he is not in pain anymore. he will be missed! Love ya, Jason!

Deafies and their bulls*&t about Cochlear Implants

Ok here I am in the middle of my daily face-booking and I find a video attached to one of my friends facebook page. I click on it and watch the video on how she is an expert on research stating that she has a Masters of Science from San Diego University in the field of Rehabilitation counseling. how she had this awesome gpa of 3.8 and they taught her how to do research in the form APA style. she states that she learned a ploicy of "no fact, no statement" but then she goes on about how she called the NIDCD, NIH and many more, she even called the FDA, did research on internet on Cochlear implants and their success rates and found that they didnt have any information on that particular field of interest. she states that they do not have any statistics on the success rates.

If she were a true researcher she would have contacted the people who deal with it on daily basis, The audiologist!!!

I even tried to leave a comment on her youtube site http://www.youtube.com/user/aguabo haha to my surprise it wasnt approved !

I sent her the following email :

Hi,

I am deeply concerned that you are trying to persuade people away from getting a CI by informing them of bogus research information.

As a HOH/Deaf person, having graduated from MSSD, and the University of Utah, Portland State University. I have one BA and one BS.

I will not go further in my education career due to the fact that I do not desire to do so.

I saw your video linked to one of my friends facebook page and clicked on it. 3 minutes into the video my jaw dropped to the floor! If you are a true researcher and scholar you would not have made the statement that you made. you would have put your own personal beliefs to the side. that is what they teach you to do in graduate school. Most of my friends have phd's, md, mph. they have all agreed with my statements that I am making to you. there is no way that you could have found that information by calling or researching on the www. especially the government agencies such as the NIH, FDA and so on. You would have to talk to the people who deal with the CI on a daily basis. AUDIOLOGIST'S, ENT, OTOLARYNGOLOGISTS, or Neurotologist. they are the people who see the results of the CI...

I have done my own research and found that only 9% of 378,000 implantees are unsuccessful.
They have concluded that it was due to a number of things, such as their audio nerve had been damaged to an extent that it was useless, or that some of them didnt have any hearing whatsoever and expected to have hearing automatically! it doesnt work that way. It works best if you have had some degree of hearing and speech training previously.

I am going to go through the CI adventure, this is due to me losing my hearing very rapidly and I have a very good job and feel that I would lose it if I became all the way deaf. I hope to benefit from it as much as I have with my hearing aids. the hearing aid is only an amplifier, the CI actually makes your auditory nerve work the way it is supposed to.

I have thought long and hard about this venue that I am about to take! I have a lot of deaf friends and hearing friends that are against CI, and have a lot of deaf and hearing friends who are for it. I am going through a lot of stuff right now with dealing with judgements from them and it is hard, but I thought you know what "It is my decision" if my friends don't like it they weren't really my friends in the first place.

Really, think about what you are about to say on the VLOGS that you do and make sure you have the facts straight before you do one!

thanks
Patrick

I am glad that I wrote it to her maybe she will stop and think before she does another VLOG..

My doctor is an idiot!

Ok, I went to the doctor for my tinnitus and all he could tell me is "You have swelling in your middle ear" We can give a steroid to make the swelling go down. first of all, I dont believe him because he didnt even look in my ear, second of all he only talked to me for maybe 2 minutes the whole time I was there. I was being treated by his P.A. , which is fine but the least he could have done was look in my ear and talk to me like I was a human not some freaky thing looking for pain meds! I listened to what he had recommended that I take to help the swelling. I about had a heart attack ! It was the drug I vowed never to take in my life! Prednisone....dum de dum dum ! I hate what it does to people as far as side effects but it really does help people with arthritis but at a cost. But it failed to help me at all, still have ringing in my ear! GRRRRR!

I enjoyed my time with my mom

I enjoyed my time with mom....We had fun doing everything together as much as we could. We knew that this was going to be one of the few times that I am back in Utah, for a long time. We had an awesome time with the Miss Payson float, We even drove that float with a big onion (see pictures!) through the lavender fields of Mona to get to a parade in Nephi. that was a blast! haha! On a sad note though someone died. We had to go through the fields to go around the accident!

Stepping back in time for a bit here!

We moved in may from PDX to Utah to save money... I wished we had stayed in PDX, but not due to the fact that this is where it all started... On our way to utah my ears weren't popping the way they should have been. They were just not popping at all.  We went over "The Bitch" ( a huge incline of where we go from being at 350 ft above sea level to almost 13000 ft in a matter of minutes then back down again to about 1200 ft ) My ears just started to hurt like hell. I was driving and not about to let James take over driving the big truck that we had ( 32 footer Penske truck ) I was having a hard time with driving it, and I was having fun!  


We pulled over and parked at a hotel and stayed the night, the next morning my ears still didnt feel right! I just didnt feel right about my ears but I was hoping they would not hurt me anymore.


We finally get to Davids parents house in Lehi, Utah to drop his crap off to him, which was my idea.  I would do anything for Jason David. After I started to lift some things I noticed my ears were ringing a little as they were popping.  Again, I thought nothing of it.  then we got to moms house, and unloaded our stuff in to the house and same ringing in the ear but worst. 


Two or three weeks go by and still ringing but not in left ear as much as the right.


Another week goes by and left ear stopped ringing all together but right ear has only picked up a lot more tinnitus.  There was one time that I felt I was going crazy,, literally.


James and I went to Idaho to pick up the kids and take them to PDX for James' graduation.  June 4, 2009 !!!  yay :) 


When we arrived in PDX my tinnitus just tapered off to silence!  I was relieved I had gone to CC Slaughters to hang out with my friends and to relax.  Listening to my friends talk and all that music and no tinnitus was heaven.


no tinnitus for james' graduation or the remaining time we are in PDX.  


Headed back to Utah for James to get on a plane to minneapolis to start his life as a doctor the moment was finally here.  I have never been more prouder of anyone in my life than I was the moment he got up on that stage to get his degree, and the moment he walked through the security gates at SLC international airport! 


After he left I got into my moms car to head back to moms house, I shut the car door and BOOM! there it was again!!  I was like Ahhhhhhhhhh  !