Wednesday, September 22, 2010

A mothers burden...

I called my mom last night like I normally do, I have been talking to her longer and longer it feels. I think I am getting a little worried about the fact that I may not be able to have a conversation on the phone after my second implant.

To those of you that do not realize what an implant does to your ear after surgery, It makes you lose what residual hearing you had and your brain has to "Re-Learn" how to hear again.

as I was talking to my mom about someone who must not be named "Asshole" there's a name that we can call him, haha. I learned something about mom that I really would have never have guessed in a million years. She carried a secret from me for a long time, My hearing loss is degenerative. What a shocker this is. I have always thought for a long time that my hearing was not degenerative and wasn't going to get worse. For my mom to have to live with the burden of that knowledge, must have been hard as hell on her. I do know why she had to keep it from me for so long and its my own damned fault, I told her at a early age, maybe 12 or 13, that I would not like it very much if I went completely deaf, and would probably get suicidal. WOW what an incredible burden to carry, I love my mom she is and will always be there for me.

It just amazes me, as a parent, we long to protect our kids from harm. something that I really didnt understand until my kids came into my life!

I love you mom!

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